33: What's Your True Identity

Steven Ginsburg: 0:00

Clarity, which is a wonderful byproduct of sobriety, provides people an easy path to understand and to embrace their sense of self.

Steve Coughran: 0:10

This is the Addiction Recovery Podcast with Steven T Ginsburg, founder of Restore Detox Centers in sunny California. Enjoy your experience. Okay, what I'm about to say, S steven, maybe this is familiar to you, but this blew my mind. Okay, the other week my kids were like dad, dad, can you take us to skate city? So if you're not familiar with skate city, it's a roller skating rink that's located in Denver and I used to go to this place when I was a kid, back in elementary school. So years ago, like 35 years ago or whatever it was, I went to the same place. My kids were like, yeah, we want to go roller skating. I was like, cool, so I took them roller skating. They loved it so much and they saw that Taylor Swift was being featured the music or whatever the next weekend. So they said, dad, can we go? And I said, no, I can't take you, but grandma could take you. So grandma ends up taking them to skate city.

Steve Coughran: 1:07

All right, here's the part that blew my mind. They came back and they're telling me this my mom was telling me this as well. They're telling me about these things called fuzzies, furries, furries, not fuzzies, furries, and I'm like what the heck is a furry? Well, apparently there are people out there that identify as animals, so they wear, like these furry masks and, you know, my daughter, who's 11 years old, was telling me that there's actually a student who identifies as an animal, as a dog, and she'll crawl around on the classroom floor barking like a dog, which is insane to me. Okay, and I'm trying to be sensitive here because, like, if you're listening to this and maybe you you've decided to identify as an animal, you know, there's people that, like, grind their teeth to actually look like sharp teeth, like dogs, you know, and there's people taking hormone blockers out there to block, you know, puberty and development and doing all sorts of things.

Steve Coughran: 2:07

So the reason why I bring this up on this podcast and how it relates to, you know, addiction recovery, which we're all about, is this idea of identity. I think there's so much confusion out there, with society, education systems, social media trying to confuse the crap out of people as it pertains to their identity and, I think, relating this back to drugs and alcohol. If you're in the midst of drugs and alcohol abuse or if you have a loved one who's dealing with this, if you don't know what your identity is, that you have, like, this potential, this beautiful future. In the last episode we were talking about giving up one thing to gain everything. So if you didn't listen to that, make sure you check out that episode. But it's this whole idea of like understanding who we are and who we can become. Then, yeah, it's easy to self-destruct. I'm going to pause there. I kind of said a lot, steven, but I want you to jump in on this topic and I want to hear your perspective.

Steven Ginsburg: 3:11

I love it. It's so healthy for me to take time and listen because I find so much time where I'm speaking or facilitating, and you know that you've been around me a long time, so it's great to hear you, because I like to really welcome what comes up for me and, of course, as you well know, I keep bringing it back home to what you and I are focused on and working on, which is such imperative content. And it boils down to me to that sense of self, that sense of self and how, in the world, with so much confusion, with the type of messages that are out there, with the scope of the power of what delivers the messages that are out there, how can we gain a sense of self if there is a lack of clarity? And the answer is we cannot. So clarity, which is a wonderful byproduct of sobriety, provides people an easy path to understand and to embrace their sense of self.

Steven Ginsburg: 4:05

There is not a clarity issue for people who do not suffer from addiction and alcoholism. There is not a clarity issue for people who do not have unmanageability behind mind-altering substances. Where there is a true clarity issue, where this part of the world is concerned, that you and I focus on is if we are already in an altered world with altered messages and such a powerful way to deliver them. If we are throwing gasoline on that fire with mind-altering substances and unmanageability to follow, we are waltzing in that literal minefield and it comes nearly impossible to find that sense of self and who we are and who we can become. Yeah, absolutely.

Steve Coughran: 4:49

You know, when I used to drink and I was like smoking pot and stuff like that and doing things, I was in this state of mind where I was totally lost. I didn't have that clarity that you're mentioning and I just didn't see my potential at the time. And when I got out of that, like my head cleared up, like literally my head cleared up, my thoughts became so much more clear as well. And it's like you can see right, you can see things as they really are. And I don't know about you, stephen, but like some days I get up early for work, I'm working all day long.

Steve Coughran: 5:20

It's just like a lot of pressure, a lot of stress from all different areas, and maybe I don't say like such kind things to people. Or maybe you know like the bathroom cover drawer is like not opening and I get frustrated and I like punch it or something I don't know. You know I'm just making up stuff here, but you know, maybe something's like really frustrating or seems really hard. Then you go to bed and you wake up and you're like oh my gosh, I was like such a psycho yesterday where I was like so moody and you can kind of laugh about it and you're like, wow, like, what state of mind was I in? So imagine that and multiply it by a thousand days in a row. If you're abusing for years and years, right, it's thousands and thousands of days that add up. And, yeah, you're not going to have that clarity, you're going to lose your identity and you're just going to, you know, go down this path of self-destruction. What are your thoughts?

Steven Ginsburg: 6:06

I think it supports and truly emphasizes what you're onto with this topic, which is how can we really find our true and highest and better best to If we just don't have the ability to even think clearly at all, if we don't allow ourselves the ability to be in a state where we can dare to dream and where we can supersede our expectations, and that just doesn't happen to people who are struggling with chemical dependency. And it also made my mind wander to something else that was important for me to share, and we've talked about this before. I used to get loaded. Steve and I would daydream and fantasize about what being sober that's amazing. That's how sick I was and still am, but in remission today. Those daydreams, I would have these visions and I'm like I would do this and then I would do that and I'd be able to exercise and I'd have a fulfilling life and I'd understand where I stood and I'd be accomplishing things. I was like my gosh, that vision is waiting for me, that person is waiting for me. But I've got to arrest this condition and create a remission from this condition, which is making it impossible for me to understand.

Steven Ginsburg: 7:26

Then, what am I called for? Who am I called to. Which master am I going to serve? And again, all these things, for me, tie into identity Above and beyond. Look, the obvious stuff is out there. We've got gender, we've got furries. We've got all of it, fine, yes, we've got furries, we've got all of it, fine, yes, but bringing it home to our lane it's how will we find the true nature of our gifting and our calling when we have no ability to focus and continue to make our best better? The answer is it won't happen. The good news is good, lord willing, you get to a place where you're sick and tired of being sick and tired. Willing you get to a place where you're sick and tired of being sick and tired and you begin that path back and we start to find our way. And success leaves clues and when something good starts building, we very often, just like our addiction or alcoholism is progressive and grows in scope, our recovery also can be progressive and grow in scope.

Steve Coughran: 8:20

I love that Well said and we've also talked about this subject. But let's go ahead and wrap on this. If you're sitting here and you're struggling, you're listening to this and maybe you've lost your way, maybe you don't have that clarity, maybe you don't understand your true worth, your identity. I think a lot of us struggle with it. I struggle with it sometimes. Just from my experience, this is what has helped me is to recognize number one I'm not my emotions. So if I'm not my emotions, so if I'm angry one day, it doesn't mean that I'm an angry person. It just means I had a bad day, I was angry, right, but we're not our emotions.

Steve Coughran: 8:49

But more importantly than that, this has taken a lot of years for me to recognize we are not our sins either in our mistakes. So if you've made a mistake years ago maybe it's in your recent past and you have like sought forgiveness and you've taken the correct steps to like rectify that, and and you have a willing heart, a desire to change, then you can move forward. Right, and I'm a. You know, I'm a religious person, you're a religious person, we both believe in Christ, and you know, and for me, that's my saving grace, because I can take my sins off me and give it to my savior, and that's just me.

Steve Coughran: 9:32

But I think this is so important because I think we can lose our identity if we've made a mistake in the past and look, I've made a ton of mistakes. But if I constantly tether myself to my mistakes, it warps my identity and then I self-destruct. So, like, whatever it is. That's why there's forgiveness in this world. But if you don't believe in forgiveness or some type of higher power, hey, that's, that's on, that's on you. Like, whatever works for you. I'm just saying for me, being able to give that away has helped me to understand my true identity and my true belief and my true potential and to untether myself from the mistakes of my past, and that's how I stay free and liberated. What about you? What works for you, steven?

Steven Ginsburg: 10:19

Spot on. We do not regret our past. No, wish to shut the door on it. He took up the cross for me. Yeah, I am grateful for grace. It's the ultimate gift. His grace and mercy has got me where I am today, on this call with you and this podcast with you at this moment. And the transgressions don't define who I am, but the recovery and the pursuit of the solution defines what I'm doing today and who I will become, and that's where I'm really grateful. I was thinking about mistakes I made yesterday while you were talking. Those mistakes don't define my life nor cause me to self-sabotage today and again. That is because, like to thine own self, true. It says that on the back of the chips that we take for anniversary, S steve, it says to thine own self, be true. What does that mean? Exactly what it says Live our truth. And our truth is we are granted our mission a day at a time, based on the blessings of our transgressions, the wonderment of his grace and the beauty of the fork of this fellowship.

Steve Coughran: 11:23

Love it. Well said, S stephen, and you know what we appreciate you. We appreciate you tuning into this podcast and if you get value out of this, it would mean the world to us if you would share it with your network, and that's how we get the word out there and we help to impact more people's lives. So that'd mean a lot. Also, what would mean a lot to us is hearing from you. So if you have feedback, if you have episode ideas, if you just want to connect, you can always reach out at hello at restore detox centerscom. Also, be sure to check out the website, because we have a ton of resources that are free that you can download and also check out, and there are a ton of other episodes on there where you can gain access and and go through the archives. But, steven, always great to be together. I really appreciate it, man.

Steven Ginsburg: 12:07

You, thank you for covering such an important topic. Know that we are here with and for you all. Everyone have a blessed and sober day.