36: Do Safeguards Make Me Weak

Steven Ginsburg: 0:00

How are we going to set ourselves up? Are we going to set ourselves up with the pre-lapse to the relapse, or are we going to set ourselves up to be mired and immersed in the solution and have ongoing abstinence, recovery and sobriety?

Steve Coughran: 0:15

This is the Addiction Recovery Podcast with Steven T Ginsburg, founder of Restore Detox Centers in sunny California. Enjoy your experience of Restore Detox Centers in sunny California. Enjoy your experience, steven. Last week we were talking about prescription drugs and whether or not they are safe and the alarming statistics that exist out there about teens abusing prescription drugs, and the same with adults, and in that conversation you mentioned something about when you had a sports hernia and how you put safeguards in place to ensure that you did not abuse these prescription drugs that were prescribed after you finished your procedure, right, your surgery or whatever. Let's talk about that and maybe you could provide a little bit of context. Just revisit the story real quick for those who didn't catch last week's episode.

Steven Ginsburg: 1:06

Yes, Steve, thank you, Love this topic. Brilliant on your part to key in on it and want to make it a talking point. Appreciate that so much. Yeah, I had had a sports hernia. I'd had to have surgery, had surgery as an outpatient. Like I always do when seeing a medical professional, I explain hey, I'm an addict and alcoholic, that's who I am, that's what I am, and I explained it to them.

Steven Ginsburg: 1:29

I was prescribed pain medication as needed and a certain amount as needed. Gave the pain medication to my wife, nicole. She took me home. I did my best not to take it. I went to bed, I woke up, tried to walk and I collapsed and I was sweating. I was just in pain. It was overwhelming and cold, mad at me because I shouldn't have done that. But that's okay, I make mistakes. When she was alarmed and she went and got the medication, I took a pill and finally I was able to fall asleep. I needed that for a short period of time. I took it exactly in the duration that it was prescribed and the amount it was prescribed. And then, when I saw I was in a place where I no longer needed it, that Tylenol and Advil would suffice, I had Nicole who had the medication flushed down the toilet. So that is a prime example.

Steven Ginsburg: 2:15

And don't put me up for sainthood, don't let my halo blind you. What I am is an addict and alcoholic who's not willing to relapse today, nor on the day I just described or the days that followed. Where prescription medication is concerned and it lends itself to the topic we must do things consistently to protect ourselves. From what? From ourselves, because this disease that I suffer from is cunning, baffling and powerful. It is a parasitic, opportunistic infection and it will look for any method to infiltrate my life and take away my sobriety. So I must pursue all things in that manner.

Steve Coughran: 2:57

Well, I mean, you're a disciplined dude, Steven. I call that the double D disciplined dude. I just made that up.

Steve Coughran: 3:04

But you're a disciplined guy right, like you thought yourself, you weren't feeling great in life. You wanted to lose some weight, so you changed your eating routine, you got on the treadmill, you sweated out, you work out regularly, and now look at you, you look absolutely great. So I think you're disciplined, and so it's interesting to hear you talk about the safeguard that you put in place, even when I think you're a pretty strong-willed, hard-headed, disciplined guy, right when you're like, hey, I got this, and so it's interesting to hear you talk about this. So I want to go back to an episode we did previously I can't remember what number it was, but we were talking about options and mapping this out with our kids. So let's play this out, Steven, and let's take a night out with the friends.

Steve Coughran: 3:52

Right, you're out with your friends and you say, okay, I've been drinking and you can explore different options. Number one you can decide to drink and drive. Right, you could decide to take an Uber. You decide to walk home, you could decide to ride home with a friend, and you could go through all these options. Or you could decide to just be the designated driver for the night and not drink at all Right, but you pick these options and then, naturally, we don't get to pick the outcomes, the consequences of these, right, sometimes we may drink and drive and you get home and you're like, wow, see, I did it, that's great.

Steve Coughran: 4:23

Other times you may drink and drive and you get home and you're like, wow, see, I did it, that's great. Other times you may drink and drive and kill somebody. Other times you may drink and drive and get pulled over and get a DUI and so on and so forth. Right, there's all these scenarios. And when you start looking at all the possible options and outcomes, then you know you can maybe understand the implications of certain decisions in your life. Yes, you can maybe understand the implications of certain decisions in your life. Yes, so when we talked about this, it made me think of that option game that we were referring to. And then it also made me think of with safeguards, because you know me, I'm just like this nonconformist and ever since I was a kid, if anybody ever said, steve, you can't do that, I'm like, okay, game on brother Cause.

Steve Coughran: 5:03

Now, I'm going to show you that you're wrong and I'm just going to do the opposite way to get me to do it Absolutely. That's probably my pride or whatever it is my ego, but that that's just who I am. I'm, like this, nonconformist, and and also I'm a disciplined person. I think I got this like no problem. I can just rely on my sheer grit and will and make sure this stuff doesn't happen. But even for the strongest people out there, I think that that is a deadly, deadly game to play with ourselves and with any situation by saying, look, I don't need the safeguards because I got this. What are your thoughts on that?

Steven Ginsburg: 5:40

My main thought and the best way I can answer is one fold, simple, simple analogy. That my main thought and the best way I can answer is one fold, simple, simple analogy. I don't care how disciplined I am, I don't care how strong willed the Lord allows me to be or you and I to be, If you and I have a, it's going to kill us, make our throat close up. We're going to the ICU. It's EpiPen plus peanut allergy. No matter what amount of strength you and I have, if that peanut allergy exists at that level, we are toast if there's any peanuts, so there's no amount of strength that'll get us through it, but what we can do is abstain from peanuts. Silly analogy, but effective.

Steven Ginsburg: 6:20

My disease of addiction and alcoholism requires that same amount of caution and care. Like, hey, Southwest, I'm getting on the plane, I have a peanut allergy, you go to that level. So is that laborsome? Is that inhibiting? Does that keep me from having a lifestyle? No, to the contrary. That's what liberates me realizing what I suffer from, understanding my past so that I'm not destined to repeat it. And setting myself up. How are we going to set ourselves up? Are we going to set ourselves up with the pre-lapse to the relapse? Or are we going to set ourselves up to be mired and immersed in the solution and have ongoing abstinence, recovery and sobriety In my world, in my house and with the God I serve? It is the former, not the latter. That's where I'm going to set myself up A methodical, repetitive approach. A methodical approach that is going to continue to bolster and reinforce the solution and continue to amass days a day at a time.

Steven Ginsburg: 7:22

My wife always knows exactly where I am all the time. I always call her at the beginning, I always call her at the end, I always call her at the end. The people in my life know to expect me. I may not be perfectly on time, but in a timely manner. They know to expect me Like group If I just suddenly did not show up for group at Restore. This is just one example of safeguards.

Steven Ginsburg: 7:41

Steven didn't show up a group. It's 1.15. Still no one's heard from him. Didn't show up a group. It's 1.15. Still no one's heard from him. It's 1.30. No one's heard from him. Darla, who we all know she's been part of what we do and she runs her store We'd call Nicole and be like Stephen's not here. That's exactly what I want. That's exactly what I want. My sponsor, Alcoholics Anonymous, is going to hear from you a certain number of times per week. My home group on Wednesday expects to see me every week, except the very rare one-off where I'm not there. And these elements in my life are where I have chosen, through God's grace and mercy and what I've been so freely given in this program, to box myself in. And what have you boxed yourself into, Steven Ginsberg? Another day of sobriety by repetitive behavior that continues to promote and perpetuate a remission based on my spiritual condition. So those are just random examples and snippets of great safeguards that keep the proverbial ball rolling where sobriety is concerned.

Steve Coughran: 8:38

No, and I love that, and I love how you just talked about like the pre-lapse to the relapse. Never heard of that and I think that's spot on. Look, if you're listening to this, it doesn't make you a wimp to have safeguards. That's what I've thought in the past, like oh my gosh, I'm going to be a wimp or a prude or just like the self-righteous person by having these safeguards in place, but they're for me, to protect me, because we can all fall victim to any number of temptations.

Steve Coughran: 9:05

So I think about when I turn around companies. That's what I do for a living. I go into businesses, I make them more profitable, I turn them around, I help them grow. I always communicate to the leadership team. It's all about structure right. Structure always wins If you are hard on the system, meaning you take the time to put systems in place and you have the infrastructure in place and then you could be soft on the people because the structure wins right. It's not like you go to McDonald's and somebody's like you know what? I don't really like the flavor of these fries. I'm going to put some seasoning salt on it and some garlic salt instead, like that would never happen because the structure is so set up where it's like you're going to get the same set of French fries in Tokyo as you do in the United States.

Steve Coughran: 9:51

And I think such a good example oftentimes people are the opposite and it's like oh, I'm going to be hard on the people and soft on the system because they're lazy or they make up excuses or they do whatever. They let ego get in the way and they don't put the systems in place. So just take systems in this example and just relate that to safeguards. That's what I'm saying is that you could get in somebody's face at group right or you could be at at restore and be like listen up, you need to do this, you need to do this, and you could be like really hard on the people, but then your system sucks Like you don't have a great system for people to follow to stay sober and guess what?

Steve Coughran: 10:33

They're going to relapse. But like you talk about this on the program over and, over and over again, here's the system, here are the safeguards. Follow these and then that allows you to be soft and loving and kind to the people, because you have a system in place. I don't know.

Steven Ginsburg: 10:47

I get a lot of questions about this.

Steven Ginsburg: 10:49

It's me too. Well, that's where you and I have a lot of alignment because we're both look, we believe in that type of culture. We've seen it work in our lives. We've seen it work in other people's lives. We've seen it work in professional arenas, business arenas, and then we've seen it work in personal arenas like Restore, like my sobriety and recovery and things you've witnessed. You've been to Restore plenty of times and been at the table which I love many times in satin group and seen the miracles. And the people who are having the miracles are miraculously all doing what Same thing again and again and again. Why? Because it's how it works. They wrote a chapter in the big book how it works.

Steven Ginsburg: 11:26

This isn't rocket science, it's just really complicated. The solution is simple, but where I borderline, beg people to follow that yellow brick road is this works. It's proven to work. It causes a remission, it has to be consistently done in a repetitive nature and the remission is is perpetuated again and again.

Steven Ginsburg: 11:50

And the last thing I want to say, which is on my heart and it's important because I share this a lot, like I think about sports dynasties. Okay, where are you going with this? Sports dynasties are dynasties. Why? For a reason. They run a certain system to your point, steve and they keep doing what Winning Okay, so it's ingrained in their DNA.

Steven Ginsburg: 12:11

When you look at Belichick I grew up a Bulls fan when you look at the Bulls, when you look at that success, yes, there's great players, yes, there's Tom Brady, yes, there's Michael Jordan, but they are running that coach's system and that coach's system is ingrained in their DNA. That is their natural response to anything that goes on the field, good or bad. I here's what I want for me always me and then that I feel like I have the license to do the we, steve. So for me, I want my natural reaction to to turn to a power greater than myself in all things and then turn to my program. I want people that I have the blessing and privilege of coming alongside, I want them to turn to a power greater than themselves and then I want them to turn to the program. Why? Because people who do that, they don't get high and they don't get drunk, and then they don't get dead and at the end of the day, that is my goal, one day at a time one person at a time.

Steve Coughran: 13:07

No, I love that. I completely agree with you and here's the last thing that I'll relate to what you just said. You know, if, if you're thinking about like your relationship, like I know you love your wife so much, she loves you and you guys are such a great couple, and the same thing is true with me I have like the best wife in the world and for us we've talked about this idea Like I would never want to put my wife in a position where she feels insecure in our relationship or where I like violate her trust or fidelity, you know, in the relationship. So it's pretty simple Like for us, this is just me, this is a Steve, this is this isn't for everybody, but for us and for me, like the safeguard that I put in place in our marriage is like I don't have lunch with women right and in the past.

Steve Coughran: 13:49

I did right, because in work settings it's very easy to be like, hey, yeah, let's go talk about the sales idea, the sales initiative, over lunch and then I'd go have lunch with women and other people. Right, and during the process is fine, probably 99.9% of the time. But there were some occasions where I was like, okay, maybe I'm sending off the wrong kind of vibes to this person and I don't want to go down this path. But it could quickly escalate down that path, you know, if I let it or if I entertain any of these. You know negative situations.

Steve Coughran: 14:24

So it's pretty simple for me, and just to give you one example, it's like I don't do lunches. So guess what? I will never be put in a situation where I'm tempted. So it's the system, it's the safeguard protects you from what can come out of that. So I know, okay, one way to have an affair is to go out to lunch with somebody and next thing you know leads to this, it leads to this, it leads to that, it leads to that. So, instead of trying to be strong and have this like will and everything else to just like overcome temptations, just remove it by putting in place a safeguard, and then you never have to deal with it. Same thing with drinking and driving. Guess what? If you don't want to dui, never drive and drive and you'll. You'll never, ever get a dui. You'll never, ever go to jail for drinking and driving. You'll never, ever kill somebody in a car with your car right yep, and so the same thing just tying it back to your hernia.

Steve Coughran: 15:19

Guess what? You flush the pills. Guess what you said hey, babe, take these pills for me and be the prescription police, hold on to them. And you could easily be like, babe, I got this. Like, don't worry, I teach this stuff, I live this stuff, my business is restored. So yeah, and I just love that example and just you know how you put in place that safeguard. I just think that's so important for every single person, regardless of your discipline and will and whatever.

Steven Ginsburg: 15:49

Right, Steve. One last thing I want to share. When I'm getting hammered with something that I'm supposed to say, I've got to say it. Yeah, there's old timer talk, like which I love. It's like bumper sticker, slogan talk. Old timer talk, that's like just a program thing. These are the guys who have been sober for a hundred years and they're crotchety and they're amazing and they're beautiful, but they're speaking truth. They will tell people time and time again you go to the barbershop enough times you're eventually going to get what a haircut right Cool. Thank you for that. Platinum, sir or ma'am Got it. I am mindful of where I am, when I am, how I am, what I am, at all times, a day, at a time. Well worth it for what I'm given in return, which is the promises. Well worth it for what I'm given in return, which is the promises. So thank you for all of this, Steve. I really appreciate the sentiment and the message.

Steve Coughran: 16:39

Yeah, absolutely. This has been a great episode and thank you everybody for tuning in. I really appreciate it and I know Steven really appreciates it as well because we're speaking from our heart here and if you want to learn more about what we're up to, you could always go to restore detox centerscom. That's the website where we have a ton of resources for you and you have the ability to reach out to us. Or, if you want a more direct method, you could always email us at hello at restore detox centerscom.

Steven Ginsburg: 17:06

We'd love to hear your thoughts and what you're up to Thank you, as always, and I just want to wish everyone a safe and sober day and please know we are here with you and for you and all things, all the time.