Steven Ginsburg: 0:00

Complacency, and complacency is a death sentence for people who struggle with and suffer with what I suffer from. We must not be complacent.

Steve Coughran: 0:09

This is the addiction recovery podcast with Steven T Ginsburg, founder of Restore Detox Centers in sunny California. Enjoy your experience, don't you think, Steven, at some point in your life you have to say who's in charge of my life? And this victim mentality, you know, runs rampant in our society and I trust me, I've been the victim plenty of times in my life where it's like, oh, poor me, you know, look at what's going on. But at some point I have to take charge and have to be accountable for, like the things that I'm doing, the last thing I want to do is blame, like the upcoming election, or you know interest rates, or you know my dog or my boss, or this or this or that on my life, because then I'm giving all the control away. At some point I got to be willing, willing to take control and responsibility in my life and be intentional with the path that I want to go down. What are your thoughts on that? And just willingness in general.

Steven Ginsburg: 1:05

Steve, thank you.

Steven Ginsburg: 1:06

One of my favorite quintessential definitions where recovery is concerned is the ability and the desire to be willing, to be willing and to have willingness in our lives and in our recovery.

Steven Ginsburg: 1:21

You know, willingness is about that quality of our state of being where we are prepared to do something, and that is the make it or break it part of the road for people in recovery. You know, are we willing to go to any length to ensure that we don't die at the hands of addiction and alcoholism? Are we willing to truly realize, through acceptance, that F-measures really will avail us nothing? And if that willingness isn't there and willingness really partners up with surrender, and if that willingness isn't there, if we're not willing to empower ourselves and win the fight by throwing up the white flag and letting go and accepting hey, I have unmanageability in my life. Hey, when it comes to drugs and alcohol, I am mentally and physically different than my fellows and I am willing to go to any length to arrest this condition and to gain a remission that willingness is not there. Sobriety does not follow. So I like how you tied those two things together willingness and surrender.

Steve Coughran: 2:24

Maybe we could talk a little bit more about that, because you know, I know in my life sometimes I have like this false notion that I'm willing to go to any length to surrender. Maybe we could talk a little bit more about that, because you know, I know in my life sometimes I have like this false notion that I'm in charge, right, I'm like oh.

Steve Coughran: 2:37

I got my plan, I got my schedule, I know what I'm doing this week and then wham Out of nowhere, something comes up and like blows all that up. Or sometimes I'm dealing with like a really hard situation in my life. It feels like I've been in that state for like a couple of years now and at some point, you know, I just have to say to myself I need to surrender, I need to submit, I need to be willing to submit to higher power or to the circumstances or whatever may be. But if we don't have that willingness, then we're just like fighting against nature and like the circumstances of our lives. What are your thoughts on that?

Steven Ginsburg: 3:13

It's so remarkably accurate because and it had me thinking about one of the more important pages in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, which is page 417. And that page talks about acceptance and how important acceptance is in our lives and willingness, surrender and accepting circumstances that they're exactly the way they're supposed to be at that moment. That's part of what helps us to understand we're not necessarily in charge. Our best late plans sometimes are nothing better than a punchline and God's joke about life. And we've got a deal. And like the we and the we've got a deal is always for me first and then everyone else.

Steven Ginsburg: 3:57

Life on life's terms is how it's going to be and my role and my job is to accept it as it is. And substance abuse and substance use, alcohol abuse and alcohol use they become these large looming components where we try to self will make it happen the way that we believe it should happen. That's where this diabolical cycle of dysfunction starts and it doesn't end until we're willing to do what we're going to take a look and accept the fact like hey, I am bodily and mentally different than my fellows, I am that addict and alcoholic. And only through complete abstinence of any mind altering substance Am I going to begin to get a foothold on what's ailing me and what's ultimately going to kill me?

Steve Coughran: 4:47

And I mean, what do you think holds people back from willingness? I know, in my line of work, I'm turning around and I'm helping companies to grow and literally, stephen, I can lay out a road map for them and I'd be like, okay, you need to hire this person, you need to get rid of this person, you need to open a new office here, you need to do this, change your brand here, whatever it may be, and like, literally, lay out the steps, just like you lay out the 12 steps and your program. You're like, okay, this is what you need to do. And then it's so frustrating. Sometimes you probably feel the same thing, because it's unreal. What holds people back is they're just not willing to do the work.

Steven Ginsburg: 5:22

Like what the heck Right, and it's amazing, right. They bring you on to help them find resolution and you start to provide. I love that you pivoted and it's nice to be able to direct it towards your end of the world. You're a financial mastermind, which is beautiful, and you've had great suggestions for restoring for myself and for Nicole and I with our journey. And like who are we then? Why are we having you come alongside us if we're not going to follow suggestions? Why are we having you participate in the solution if we're not going to participate in partaking the tools you offer us to create resolution to the issues? That's exactly what it is.

Steven Ginsburg: 6:02

That's what stops people from starting to find their way towards healing is they refuse. It's so much of it is ego, so much of it is control, so much of it is, yes, they're asking for help, but at the same point, it's like come here, go away. Come here, go away. I want the help, I know I need the help, but don't come near me and don't suggest anything for me to do and don't make me uncomfortable. Well, don't even bother, you're not going to get anywhere. You can't perpetuate any growth without discomfort and we've got to follow suggestions and we've got to be willing to be mentored and we've got to look to something bigger than us and someone who knows better than we do. And it was far enough down the road ahead of us to make suggestions. And then how do I, or how do we in recovery, follow suggestions? By our willingness to hear them and follow them.

Steven Ginsburg: 6:53

And that's where it all comes down to sobriety or relapse, so bryety or ongoing addiction or alcoholism. And this is a passionate topic for me and it drives me insane. It frustrates me, but in a good way. I hate the disease. I love my brother and who suffered from it. But this disease is so cunning, baffling and powerful it'll shut people's willingness down. Why? Because the disease knows the willingness will cause a remission, so it's going to do everything it can to have people run on. Self will run riot, self will run riot. It's a big catchphrase in alcoholics and I'm a Steve, and for good reason. They'll will run riot, self will, that is, you can't even manage it. That's the complete polar opposite of willingness. Yeah.

Steve Coughran: 7:36

And I love that and I love when we have our conversations. It's like how's your day? You're at home, my gosh, it's so stressful, but it's always out of love, because if you're going to have love and concern for these people.

Steve Coughran: 7:49

You just be like, oh yeah, it sucks, this person is terrible. But it's always like I'm frustrated because I want this person to be better, or I see this person's potential and that's what I love. Okay, Steven, let's play a game. Do you want to play a game? I love games. Okay.

Steve Coughran: 8:03

So there's 10 things that I listed out here that can get in the way of somebody's willingness. Okay, so I'm going to say the phrase this is the blocker of willingness, and I just want you to say the first thing that comes to your mind. We got 10 of them, so just be quick. But maybe it's a quick story oh yeah, you know this person, or maybe it's an experience of your own, or maybe it's just a quote or a word of advice. So let's do this. These are the things, the 10 things that get in the way of a person's willingness the willingness to do something, a willingness to stay sober, a willingness to get help, a willingness to take our new assessment, which is on the website, about your understanding your relationship with drugs and alcohol. Really, there is assessment. I just thought I'd plug that there, but no, there's really these 10 things. So let's get into these 10 first, guys, I'm going to say the phrase and then you respond quickly. Number one fear failure.

Steven Ginsburg: 8:54

Hope is the remedy for that. Every time, all the time, okay.

Steve Coughran: 8:58

What about comfort zone? People are staying in their comfort zone. There's no growth about discomfort.

Steven Ginsburg: 9:05

Okay lack of self-confidence. That's a lie of the enemy. Our worth is yet to be realized and our greatest days are ahead of us. But first we've got to get away from those old tapes.

Steve Coughran: 9:16

Love it. What about negative past experiences?

Steven Ginsburg: 9:20

Again references itself to old tapes. A lot of shame that we carry around. That is a lot to do with who we were, not to do with who we are or who we will become.

Steve Coughran: 9:33

Okay, what about overwhelming stress getting in the way of our willingness?

Steven Ginsburg: 9:37

Breathe, pray, move, make phone calls, hug, love, be present and realize that when we're overwhelmed, there's people who are overwhelmingly present to make it all feel better for us and we all serve a great God that loves us and doesn't want us in overload.

Steve Coughran: 9:56

Well said. Okay, here's a big obstacle that I see. I struggle with this myself my Ego is getting in the way of our willingness.

Steven Ginsburg: 10:04

Control, control, control, control. Ego stands for edging God out.

Steve Coughran: 10:09

I know about one perfect man they put him up on the cross.

Steven Ginsburg: 10:12

The rest of us are doing the best we can. We are more than enough. We are more than good enough. We are more than worthy of love, and we are doing our best every day. That's all that is asked of us and that is all we should ask of ourselves.

Steve Coughran: 10:26

Okay, Love that. Love that lack of motivation or interest in exercising and rolling this.

Steven Ginsburg: 10:35

Complacency, and complacency is a death sentence for people who struggle with and suffer with what I suffer from. We must not be complacent, we must not rest on our laurels and we must realize our disease is in a relentless pursuit of us, a day at a time.

Steve Coughran: 10:50

Love it Resistance to change.

Steven Ginsburg: 10:54

It's simply very, very old patterns and habits and abstinence getting in our way and trying to eclipse us from the true sunlight of the spirit.

Steve Coughran: 11:05

Okay, this one is very pervasive. What about social influences getting in the way of our willingness?

Steven Ginsburg: 11:11

Just not buying into the lies or society's norm or not allowing what people perceive to be normal or okay to be what our normal is and what our okay is. Never those two shall meet. We've got to forge our own path and be a light in a dark place. Unfortunately, too often this world can be a dark place. But we have the opportunity chosen to be recovering and, in recovery, to be a light in a very dark place.

Steve Coughran: 11:43

Love that. And last one, you just touched on it Cognitive biases which skew our perception of reality.

Steven Ginsburg: 11:50

Listen, there's so many distractions, there's so many deterrents, there's so many ways and methods to try and take us away from our best self, from the most authentic amount of time, and I just ask us all to put those blinders on, focus on what matters most, practice a lot of self-care and self-love, and continue to reach out and put others first. It'll deliver us from the abyss of those things. Regarding that topic, that will ale us.

Steve Coughran: 12:16

I love that. Those are all the 10 things that get in the way of our willingness. I'm sure there's others. That was awesome. I think the key message here is we have to be moving forward and we have to be very intentional. You always use the word intentional, which I think is spot on.

Steve Coughran: 12:31

But it's not like you're on the escalator of life and you're just like, oh, I'm going to just stay right in the middle of the escalator. You're either going up or down and if we're not practicing that willingness, intentionality, life's going to happen. We're going to be tossed to and fro, and that's definitely no life to live. So any parting words for us, Steven, today.

Steven Ginsburg: 12:50

I just really want to encourage anyone out there. If this lands and makes you feel like it's relevant at all, I just want to encourage you to look at and participate in your own version of surrender. I want you to realize that there is always hope and I want you to know that we are here with you and for you in all things. If you have any questions, you want to reach out to us, you want to connect and talk further on this topic. We want to hear from you and you can reach us at hello, at restoredetoxcenters. com, and please know this. There is a better way, and the way that that better way begins is through surrender and through willingness to do it at a time.