Steve Coughran: 0:00

you pick up a stick and you pick up the consequence on the other side of the stick. This is the Addiction Recovery Podcast with Steven T Ginsburg, founder of Restore Detox Centers in sunny California. Enjoy your experience.

Steve Coughran: 0:17

SI don't know about you, but I remember back in high school I was into partying. Okay, I know you're into partying as well and you know whether friends or kids, or I mean that's just the phase that people go through in high school. But I remember in high school it's like we knew who the kids were in our high school, where their parents would allow them to either drink at home or they would go out there and buy alcohol for their kids and be like, hey, look, you know, it's fine, our kids are drinking, they're under our supervision or, as long as they're in our house, they can do whatever they want. They'd have that attitude and we knew that and obviously you know that's that's not good, right, but that's what it was and that's what I want to kick this episode off with, because we don't want to be that house, right.

Steve Coughran: 1:05

If you have kids, if you have a house, if you're a parent, a guardian or you know you have a partner, whatever it is like, our home is the safe place where it should be, the sanctuary where we can escape from all the crap that exists out there in the world. So we don't want to be that house. So I'm sure you run into this all the time. You have thoughts on this as well. Let's hear them.

Steven Ginsburg: 1:26

Thank you so much. It is a really critical topic and something that I like, topics that trigger me. This one triggers me to no end because it is just so imperative and it's just so careless on people's parts who are living in that guise where you know if we permit something, we are promoting something. And to think, when we offer this quote unquote safe haven to minors who don't have full neurological development yet, and yet we are under the guise of they're going to drink anyway, you are really creating an avenue to where you are empowering a complete disaster that is only going to perpetuate further and worse results. And you are not doing anyone's children, let alone our own, any favors by having this quote unquote controlled environment where the drinking occurs. So I believe I can go on for much too long, so I'm going to put a bullet on here and we'll keep moving forward with this.

Steven Ginsburg: 2:40

I like the contrary to this. Let's for sure not be that house. Let's be that house where we have really transparent, candid, vulnerable conversations, where other people's parents are included as well and where we're like, hey, we're going to really support you in obeying the law of the land. There's a reason why drinking age is 21. And our goal and objective, a day at a time, is to get you to that space where, at 21 years old, you choose to take a legal drink of alcohol. So be it. And who knows, maybe you won't or maybe you will, but underage drinking is not going to be condoned, nor conformed to, no offered in the sanctity of our homes. And if more communities and more parents would bond together and band together and that guys, many, many of the disasters we see I'm talking about deaths with cars, I'm talking about overdoses, I'm talking about people under 18 and treatment those things, the statistics would go down monumentally.

Steve Coughran: 3:43

Yeah, no, I agree Absolutely. And let me share a story. This is sad, this is going to be a sad story, but it's real Hashtag, real talk here. Then what I want to do is circle back around to that comment you just made, like the positive side. Let's talk about how to reframe this.

Steve Coughran: 3:59

But when I was in high school, like I was telling you, you know, we knew who those families were and this is no knock on this family if they ever come across this podcast episode but there was a family in high school and we knew like, okay, they, their parents, allowed this kind of stuff. Well, guess what? As time went on, you know these, you know this family grew up, the boys grew up and I knew these guys and I was as friends with them, like I associated with them. I never hung out with them, but there's this friend group that went over to this house all the time and that's what they did they drink. Well, this group of friends, they were together and the parents were out of town this time.

Steve Coughran: 4:34

But what's the difference? Right, because whether they're in town or they're not in town, they permit it. Right, and this is the problem. Right, this is the problem that it perpetuates, in my opinion. But the parents are out of town, they're drinking at the house and they decide you know what would be fun, let's drive around the neighborhood. Neighborhood's very hilly, a lot of curves. Let's just drive around and let's just go have fun. You know we're not going to leave the neighborhood but we'll just stay in here and you know we'll just have a little booze cruise, whatever.

Steve Coughran: 5:03

A few of the individuals are in the back of the pickup truck, a few are inside, and the people inside the cab thought, hey, let's try to like throw them around, you know, in the back. And so you know the the driver would yank the wheel really quickly as they went around the corner and they'd go, you know, rolling across to the other side of the bed and they'd ha, ha ha, they'd laugh. Well, anyways, as they continue to do this, one of them lost balance and he jerked the wheel really quickly and he fell out the back of the truck and he landed on his head. And now, all of a sudden, you know, the tone changed because the group they're like, oh, my goodness, what do we do? This guy just fell the back of the truck, we're all drinking and he has a serious head injury. So they pick them up, put them in the back of the truck, they drive back to their house and they're like, okay, if we call the cops, we're busted, we're going to get a DUI, you know, who knows, we might go to jail. So they said well, we can't take them to the hospital, we're too drunk to drive, so let's just put him in a sleeping bag and put him in the closet and just let him sleep it off, which is sad, right. And so they put him in the closet to sleep it off and guess what? Yeah, he didn't wake up. And so then the next morning is like, oh my gosh, what do we do? And so on and so forth.

Steve Coughran: 6:16

Well, anyways, it's a tragic story and obviously it was devastating for this family and I'm sure, for the parents, and I'm sure at some point the parents probably thought back dang, was it a good idea to really perpetuate this type of behavior in our home? But I share that story, not to be this downer, but I mean it illustrates a couple of things. Number one we think, oh yeah, it's so fun, let's make our house the fun house and provide all this alcohol, and then our kids will be popular and they'll be liked. Well, guess what? Those friends that are perpetuating that behavior, they're not going to be liked. They're going to save their own butts if it ever comes down to something terrible like this.

Steve Coughran: 6:52

In most cases I'm not saying for everybody, but this was a group of friends who were best friends. They hang out all the time and that's what they did. So it's like super sad, but like the consequences and we've talked about this in other episodes where you pick up a stick and you pick up the consequence on the other side of the stick, it's just maybe the consequence is delayed or whatever it may be, but there are implications to this. What are your thoughts on that, steven?

Steven Ginsburg: 7:19

Steve, my thoughts are it's just so tragic and it's so avoidable. And if those children and they are children are not put in those circumstances, that is a forever life-altering event for every single solitary family involved and, of course, most of all for the family who lost a child. And by having an environment or something that needs to be handled with the utmost care and is often mishandled even by adults of legal age, which is alcohol, and then trusting minors to behave responsibly and appropriately behind the use of a chemical that actually causes more and more irresponsible and lack of cautious behavior upon it being consumed, is preposterous and often can be, in this case, fatal. We must regroup and reboot conceptually on this part of the world and life. We've got to start to close ranks and really look statistically at what society is going through, what our children are facing. Which part are we going to partake in the solution or the problem, and start having dialogue with those kids? Now I do with mine. Yes, this was where the Lord called me on this path, so it's a little different, but it ain't that different. They're going to still be facing the things that I face and that other families are facing, but they're going to be facing with more knowledge and more information, and you and I kind of.

Steven Ginsburg: 9:08

What preceded this topic is we're talking about the home that Nicole and I are blessed with. You know, this is the house where kids are going to congregate and want to be, which is exactly part of why I wanted this house. You know why? Nobody's going to be drinking and drugging in this house. Mom and dad don't, and none of the kiddos will. We'll be having a blast. We can have chicken bites in the pool. We can have movie nights in the backyard. We can have chicken bites in the pool. We can have movie nights in the backyard. We can eat until we have stomach aches, but we are not going to drink and we're not going to drug. We're going to enjoy life on life's terms.

Steven Ginsburg: 9:41

We're going to cross those bridges and talk about those barriers that every child faces and there's going to be real information and, I hope, to reach more and more parents. One of the joys in my life is to be able to speak with parents and encourage parents to test their children on a weekly basis for everything. I want to continue to encourage parents to have remarkably transparent, bold and courageous conversations with their children about the dangers of drugs and alcohol, and I want to encourage these parents and this goes for Nicole and myself and all the parents we encounter to please understand that this is a watching world. If our actions and words don't match these kids, they soak it up like a sponge.

Steven Ginsburg: 10:24

Dad has three drinks at dinner and then gets in the car and drive. Mom has two glasses of wine at the country club and then drives us for carpool. We are setting these kids up for disasters. I'm not pointing out blame or fault. I'm saying there's a solution, there's a better way, there's a better path, and I want to help perpetuate that message, that notion and that way of life.

Steve Coughran: 10:45

No, and I agree. And going back to what you're saying about establishing this home as a sanctuary and a place of peace for both your kids Steven and all the friends that come over, I think that's so valuable. And how important is that today? Because, like, where do you find that in the world? I know for myself when I was going through a really difficult time in my life just recently, a few years ago.

Steve Coughran: 11:06

You know, california is my safe place. That's where I grew up and when I came out to visit and when I came to your home, steven, it's like I can lay on your couch, I can be comfortable, I can go out on your back patio. It's a safe place, it's a place of harmony, it's a sanctuary, it's trust. I mean, there's trust there, there's all this stuff. And I just think, okay, kids nowadays they need that right, they need that place. Like, where else are they going to go, especially out in the world? The world is so noisy, so confusing and there's so many temptations all around us. I think it's so beautiful that you have this idea and we're talking about this because, for everybody like you're listening to this right now, you're listening to this podcast you can do very simple things to make your home this sanctuary. That's why Steven and I are so passionate about this topic, because it's so critical for everybody out there, not just our kids, but for us too.

Steven Ginsburg: 12:00

Perfectly said, and, and and you know, just to close on this note, that a different trend set the bar, Make it a goal and objective. Let's get as many families as we can, you know, draw something up. Hey, I've got 10 households of this group of guys and gals. All the parents are on board. We're going to encourage our children to reach legal drinking age before their first drink. We're going to support our children in not having a house where drinking is allowed by any and underage password drinking is allowed by anyone under age. We're going to model great behavior by never having a drink and driving when we're with our kids or otherwise, if it would impede the legal limit. Set the example, show them how it's done, soak that up and give them something to strive for and create to your point, steve, a safe haven, a safe environment, a place to go to where they can rest well and leave the rest of the noise of the world outside.

Steve Coughran: 12:58

Yeah, I love it. And you know, I find the same thing is true at Restore. When I go up to the house in Restore, I feel that the same exact thing every single time I walk into that front door. And it's not just the physical place, the walls that exist and support the roof, it's the people and it's everything else that goes along with it. So kudos to you, steven, building an amazing treatment center out here in California and such an important topic, and I'm so glad that we're able to discuss it today.

Steven Ginsburg: 13:27

Thank you for your part and please I know you always let everyone know and I want to let them know as well Any questions, any feedback, anyone needs support or ideas or bar setting avenues. We are here with you and for you and all things. Please, everyone be safe, be sober and set the example where your actions and words match.